Annexed by the French in the 1840s and established as a penal colony, New Caledonia (or Nouvelle-Calédonie) is part of the French collectivity, and feels like a slice of France in the middle of the South Pacific.

Day 4: Nouméa

After two full days at sea, we woke up – that’s never too early, with Roy – to find ourselves moored at Nouméa, New Caledonia’s capital city, on Grand Terre island. Many of our 1,800-odd fellow passengers on the Noordam were already up, breakfasted, and streaming ashore.

As you can see, we’re smack in the middle of a working port, but with a tantalising glimpse of something much prettier beyond the container stacks.

There’s no strolling into town, because walking through the containers is not allowed; instead, there’s a steady flow of buses ferrying passengers to and from the nearby Visitor Centre, just beyond the port gates.

Best of Nouméa tour

Our guide on the three-hour Best of Nouméa tour (US$167), Eva, is a Kiwi: she came here on holiday 14 years ago and met her husband-to-be; he bought her a drink, she says, and she never left.

It being a Sunday, most places were closed. “Don’t think you’re missing out on the shopping,” remarked Eva. “No one shops here. For that, they go to Australia [1,500km away].”

Frankly, this tour was poor value for money. We stopped at two lookout points, a church, a hotel for refreshments, and finally a small but charming aquarium, famous for its nautiluses and other regional sea creatures.

 

The Church of the Conception was our second stop. Nothing wrong with it, of course, but we had to wonder why we weren’t taken to the far more famous Cathedral St Joseph de Nouméa.

This “Chou-Chou train”  looked like fun; it departed on 1.5-hour tours at scheduled times from the pier where we’d disembarked.

Life’s a Beach

Nouméa’s lovely beaches include Baie des Citrons and Anse Vata, where we stopped at the Château Royal hotel (#2 on TripAdvisor) for a coffee or tea and an apricot pastry. (“Please take just one per person”, implored the sign; no doubt something to do with New Caledonia’s infamously high cost of living.)

In my shorts, I paddled out into the shallow waters of Anse Vata Bay to take photos of the hotel and bathers. This stretch is a popular place for kite-surfing and wind-surfing.

 

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Nouméa has a nice little aquarium. In case you’re wondering, those inquisitive-looking little creatures in a row are worms.

Local facts gleaned from Eva:

• She says the English Captain Cook “discovered” these islands long before the French did, but didn’t bother to claim it for the Crown – apparently because it was too hot, and too hilly for agriculture. He didn’t know, however, about the island’s rich nickel reserves – the third biggest reserves of “green gold” in the world. Across the harbour, you can see the big nickel smelting factory.
• The cost of living is exceptionally high here: take the Aussie cost of living, double that and then add some. Expect to pay the equivalent of A$8 for a kilo of carrots. (That’s actually eight times more than I paid yesterday at Farmer Jack’s supermarket in Perth, WA!
• There’s a huge divide between rich and poor. Many of the local Kanak people survive on subsistence farming and fishing, and live in “squats” hidden in the mangroves while they wait for government housing. The rich people make their money elsewhere, she says, and many of the fancy houses are second homes.
• The French High Commissioner’s house sits in a shady garden that’s half the size of Nouméa town.
• A referendum is to be held this year concerning sovereignty; many are for it, but many others are against the idea. For one thing, France pours a huge amount of money into this little country.

Day 5: Lifou, Easo Island

Next morning, the Noordam dropped anchor a ten-minute tender ride off Lifou, Easo Island. (We’re still in New Caledonia, so they’re still speaking French here.)

For all tender operations on this cruise, the ship uses its own lifeboats. (Each of them is designed to carry 120 passengers  – I’d hate to be crammed onto one of them with 119 other terrified souls, though!)

Like the rest of the tours on offer, our two-hour Melanesian Encounter (US$59, and far better than yesterday’s pricy Nouméa tour) left from the ad hoc tourist village located near the arrival pier.

Tourism is the main source of income here: you can get your hair braided, have a massage, hire snorkelling gear (A$15) and buy a fresh coconut (A$3) – or a Magnum ice cream.

Facilities are simple. The bus that took us to a nearby tribal village was not air-conditioned – “Open well the windows,” instructed our formidable local guide, Gabriella.

Our first stop was the village “parliament“, a tall, thatched hut which Gabriella explained was just a bigger version of the traditional sleeping quarters of any newly married Kanuk couple. It’s used for tribal meetings, and you have to keep the chief’s area clear and refrain from walking on it.

After that, a short walk brought us to a shady reception area where women were preparing the traditional Kanak meal, bougna.

To make bougna, a whole chicken (or fish, or lobster) is placed on a pile of banana leaves, together with various pieces of vegetable including cassava and sweet potato, topped with freshly squeezed coconut cream, then wrapped up carefully and firmly tied with twine.

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Then the men take over, placing the bougna parcel on to a bed of hot stones, covering it with more hot stones, burying it under soil, and leaving it to bake for a few hours.

After sampling little bits from a previously made bougna – more interesting than delicious, if I’m to be honest – we popped along to admire the community’s St John the Baptist Presbyterian church.

Back on board

Is it a squid? Is it a lobster? Each night, a slightly fancier and more ornate towelling animal creation appears on our bed at turndown time; here’s tonight’s.