Triple visa challenge; one night in an Athens jail; Japie-friendly destinations and a wander down Memory Lane; a toast to travel in 2020

Arriving in my home town of Durban a couple of months ago was not the time to kick back and relax, as Roy sternly reminded me. I had to get cracking on the three visas I required for our 2020 travels: Australia, France and the UK.

Having only a South African passport – the dreaded green mamba – is a sad handicap for a traveller. I need a visa for just about anywhere I want to go.

Jailbird

One sorry occasion when I did not have a visa landed me in jail for what was the first and I hope will be the last time in my life. Back in the 90s, Roy and I flew from London to Athens for what was planned to be a week in the city followed by a week on the island of Skiathos. What we did not know was that Greece had just joined the Schengen group of countries, meaning that South Africans now needed a visa.

The uniforms at Immigration were polite but implacable. No, I could not enter the country. Yes, I had to buy a full-price flight back to London, and I would have to spend tonight in the airport jail. So, while Roy went off to sleep in five-star luxury, I stretched out on three plastic chairs with my jacket for a pillow, sobbing gently.

Around 5am, wardens thrust two screeching young women through the door: deported Russian hookers who seemed to think I was one of them.

An hour later, a policewoman escorted me to the plane and then stood on the tarmac to watch it take off – seeing me safely off the premises, I suppose. It was another week before I made it back to Athens, armed with the first of many Schengen visas to come and just in time to fly to Skiathos with my husband.

That was not a good experience, but you’ll agree it makes for a good story.

Memory Lane

True, there’s a substantial list of countries where green-mamba holders can either enter without a visa or get one on arrival. In Asia they include Hong Kong, Malaysia, Maldives, Philippines, Cambodia, Singapore and Thailand. Having lived in Singapore for nearly 16 years I’ve naturally checked those particular boxes, thank you – and here’s some of the evidence:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I know this is a bit indulgent, but I’ve been wallowing my way through the archives and here’s another bunch of places that have let me in without any fuss:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

(While I’m grateful in theory to be welcomed visa-free to Angola, Benin, Rwanda, Somalia and Zimbabwe, they’re not exactly high on my travel wish list. Neither are Iran, Saudi Arabia, Jordan or Qatar.)

Nose to the Laptop

Roy had been on my case – i.e. nagging relentlessly – ever since last year’s French visa contretemps, and I can’t blame him.

I should explain that my Schengen visa (currently a five-year one) allows a total of 90 days in any 180-day period in any or all of the Schengen countries; but to spend four months on our boat Karanja each summer I need a long séjour (long stay) French visa.

This is easily done from Singapore, where the French consulate is not only friendly and efficient, but also issues my visas for free as I’m the spouse of an EU citizen. That will probably change following Brexit, however.

Having failed to get a long-stay visa last year, you may remember that I had to do a couple of visa runs to the UK – the first alone, the second with Roy – so as not to fall foul of the French immigration authorities.

#1 La Belle France

Capago is the agency that administers French visa applications in South Africa. It took numerous conversations, several affidavits and at least a week to convince the French embassy in Pretoria, through the Capago staff here in Durban, that I should even be allowed to apply for a long-stay visa! And that notwithstanding several such visas already in my passport.

#2 Australia Fair

Compared to the French visa application process that’s fraught with a phalanx of petty officials seemingly hell-bent on justifying their existence, the Aussie one is relatively painless. It’s all done online, for one thing.

Your first human interaction is with the polite man at the Australian Biometric Collection Agency who videos you and takes your mug shot and fingerprints. (Every year.) Then to ShipMed at Entabeni Hospital for the necessary medical examination followed by a chest X-ray. (Every year.) Much as I loathe these X-rays, they’re inescapable.

#3 Rule Britannia

Ten years had passed since I last gone through the excruciating process of applying for a UK visa, yet the scars still felt fresh. Harrowing as it was this time around, I  hardly shed a tear while filling in the endless online application or preparing and uploading the numerous supporting documents, pdf format only. I must have toughened up a bit.

This time (and I’m not sure why), neither a medical nor a chest X-ray was required. As for the biometrics submission – you recite your name and details, they photograph you and then take your fingerprints – the agent, VFS Global, gave me the last appointment of the year: 3pm on New Year’s Eve.

Apart from the time and stress involved, these visa applications  don’t come cheaply. Roy was looking at a bank statement a few days ago and wondering aloud what he’d bought for R16,500 (about A$1,660) on 28 December. It was my UK visa application fee.

We remained on tenterhooks for two weeks until I was summoned to collect my passport, complete with terrifying photograph and the requested 10-year visa. Apparently, the UK Embassy would have been quite within its rights to refuse the visa – or to grant one for only a year’s visa, say – and to keep all our dosh.

All’s well that ends well. Now, with all three visas in place, here’s to happy travels in 2020… and avoiding jail-time.