Pumping out your black-water tank – that’s where the toilets flush into – is easily the least glamorous thing about living on a boat.
Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be done very often. How often is safe? Our marina neighbours Fairy and Duncan do theirs every two or three weeks: “Duncan doesn’t believe in gauges,” says Fairy. (Duncan, for the record, was previously a yacht master.)
We inexperienced types, however, do have to rely on gauges. So when, a few days ago and exactly a month after the launch of our Dutch barge Karanja, her waste gauge indicated that the 1,000-litre tank was three-quarters full, we reckoned the hour had come – especially as we were about to embark on a week-long cruise down the Thames.
Virgin pump-out
Fortunately, we were able to observe neighbour David pumping out his barge, Elysian, just the day before, with the help of his neighbour, Andy. David (an ex-Army colonel) was quite comfortable with Roy being there, but seemed unsure that a lady should be witness to an operation with such an embarrassing potential for whiffiness.
Pump-out protocol
- Move your boat to the pump-out station.
- Get one or two coupons (depending on boat size) from the marina office – free for berth-holders, GBP15 for visitors.
- Insert nozzle of pump hose into your boat’s discharge outlet.
- Feed coupons into pump machine to start the pump.
- After suction has built up – it takes about a minute – open valve on pump machine.
- Observe exodus of shite through viewing panel at boat end of hose; when complete, push pause button on pump.
- If you like, use water-hose provided to run some rinsing water into the tank, then complete your pump-out.
- Now feed in a little water – just for a minute or two – to cover the bottom of your tank.
- Feel pleased and proud that your ducks are all in a row.
I suppose thus the origin of the expression when going to the loo, “I’m just off to pump the bilges!”… jealous as hell, enjoy!
Best, Jonesies